The Archers, Radio 4, 11 July 2012
Below the line they complain – the commenters,
The tweeters, the message board wags – it seems
At almost anything, both when ‘The Archers’
Sticks and does not stick to the mission they perceive
For it, so that Lynda’s umpteenth pantomime
Is cause for snores, while last night’s Brookfield fire/
Arson attack, is of Eastendersfication a sign;
Their puritan poles repel time upon time.
Some people are too soaked in soap, too clean,
Unable to see a gripping tale when they hear it,
The sole break from tradition the sound effect scene,
With the sneak sneaking of the lone arsonist.
I will never ignore these Ambridge missives
Unless moved from the time when I’m doing the dishes.
The mothers’ shrieks stay, but here’s a prediction:
None of the kids will be crisped as a victim.